Today: A sweatin' beginning
Today, with the guidance of my executive mentor coach, I devised a map and a plan with very specific directions to incorporate exercise into my routine. I’m pretty psyched about it. It’s going to be a part of my new identity.
Like any great coach—A plan was extracted from me. I did the work. I constructed an action plan. He just asked the hard questions.
Background: Remember how they joked around about COVID 19 being manifested for a lot of us as packing on 19 pounds during the epidemic? Well, I packed on a lot more than that. And it’s kind of been that way ever since, battling on and off with active binge eating disorder.
Sedentary galore. Not really moving around that much with occasional swimming twice a week. I think this summer I swam three times in one week at the outdoor pool at 7am in the morning. Addicted to the sweet smell of morning dew and the cool summer air and diving into that pool for an hour long of freestyle kept me going. Total bliss. Absolute heaven on earth.
So what’s the problem, Lisa Jo? Delay, overthinking and excuses a plenty They seemed to come out of the woodwork. The more I made excuses, the more excuses I conjured up. I was in a very negative momentum with both exercise and with my eating. Looking for an excuse and always finding one. It has been on a loop since the year 2000.
Enough is enough is enough! I have an athlete inside of me begging me to let her out. I am working on somatic trauma stuck in my body with a beautiful art therapist urging me to start moving. I have felt frozen, trapped from protecting myself from the memories of rage, memories of violence. My body still hurting.
You see—I may not look like it, but I weigh over 300 pounds. The weight is balanced. Sort of. Evenly distributed with a Buddha belly. I hesitated before I typed the last two paragraphs. These facts are fueled with societal shame, embarrassment, discouragement, etc. I wear a 3x. One lesson of this particular obese experience for me is trusting God' telling me that I am a beautiful woman, no matter what size. Also, gathering this experience so that I can help others struggling with their eating.
Now—-I sponsor other women. My eating has been looking cleaner and cleaner. lately. I’m healing. In 3 weeks I lost 6 pounds. I’m off and running—-at an even pace, staying close to God and knowing I cannot do this without His help and the fellowship of the OA (Overeaters Anonymous) program. As my good fit beautiful friend told me in regard to recovery is , “I don’t got this.”
What this means is that if you think you know it all and disconnect from conscious contact with God, then you can easily slip. If you “know it all” then there is no room to learn new things. Self sufficiency becomes a liability. We can’t do this on our own…addiction recovery. We need to reach out to the help of others and our Higher Power’s guidance.
Anyhoo, back to the exercise. I’m going to do the elliptical machine at the gym some days, walk the neighborhood, do walking work out videos off Youtube streamed onto my big screen and on Saturdays—Zumba! I’m definitely meeting myself where I’m at and stretching myself —my mind and body at the same time. I want to feel great; to have more energy. I want to access and secrete awesome endorphins which come from breaking a good sweat. I am already in touch with my inner athlete. Everything else will fall into place.
Oops. Gotta run! I’m all dressed and ready to go. Just need to put on my tennis shoes and grab my gym bag and listen to the tunes all the way to the rec center and while I work out. Those elliptical machines are all pointed towards the huge ceiling-to-floor windows with a view of the Rocky Mountain range. What a sight!
