Partnering with a Shrink

I have Bipolar I. I need drugs. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain. 

Early in my recovery, I wanted to prove that I was not “crazy.” So, every time I felt better, I would get off all meds, with or without my doctor’s blessing. Within a couple of months, I’d end up hospitalized either for a severe manic episode or a life-threatening depression. 

I internalized society’s stigma. I felt deep shame for having mental health challenges, looking at them as weaknesses.  I believed I was defective and “less than.” I also feared judgment from others and judged myself harshly. I desperately wanted freedom from my diagnosis, to be “normal.” 

I never considered that the reason why I was feeling mentally better at times, was partly because the medicine was working.  

During my psych med journey, there were times when I didn’t feel like myself.  I actually felt “drugged up,” weighed down, lethargic, monotone, flat. I didn’t know at the time that I needed to advocate for myself by telling the psychiatrist that I did not feel like myself and that we needed to do a med change. 

Sometimes these seeming side effects were really characteristics of the illness. Because of this, it’s wise to study the characteristics of the disease, so, you can more likely distinguish between the illness flairing up and a side effect of a drug you’re on. 

You see---this is how it works: the shrink or psychiatrist has to start somewhere. So, they pick some drugs as an educated guess---and you start taking them. They cannot know exactly how you will feel. That’s why it is critical that you inform them as specifically as possible, about how the drugs are affecting you emotionally, and physically. You get to participate in your own treatment. You must be open, honest and engaged with your provider, unless you want to always feel like shit. Don’t do that to yourself. Be proactive. Be your own best advocate. 

There will be times you won’t feel so hot if a flair-up of the disease comes around. At these times, the doc might suggest adjusting the medication to help get you through a rough period. Don’t see this as a personal defect of character. You have a disease. You are not the disease. It is not your fault. You did not choose to be depressed or anxious. 

Another thing: the meds alone are not going to bring total satisfied and happy. Taking action will be a big factor as well. When you can, push yourself to take action--whether that’s hygiene, having fun, being around people, eating regularly and exercising. 

 Educate yourself about the drugs you’re on. Ask your shrink questions. Read the stack of papers that comes with your prescriptions. Look at what the drug is used for, how to pronounce it (in case you end up in an emergency and need to tell someone what you’re on), and study the side effects. Not everyone will experience them. Don’t awfulize about it. Just approach it like a scientist. Knowledge is power.

It can be very scary being diagnosed with mental health conditions and learning to navigate through the process of recovery, when you’re feeling good and when you don’t. You can do it . You are worth the investment.Be willing to partner up with your psychological entourage---your therapist AND your psychiatrist. They both want to see you living a happy life. So get on board!!